Toy Soldiers
by fixusi
Summary: "It would take time, but he would get his revenge. And it would be messy." Sam and Dean fight, and when Dean leaves to cool off, a familiar stranger comes to visit another Winchester with not-so-good plans in mind. Hurt!Sam, ProtectiveGuilty!Dean. Spoilers for season seven!
1. Prologue: Summer -99

**Alright. About four-shot (can be five-shot, too), hurt/guilty!Sam, protective/guilty!Dean. It won't be teenchesters, this is just a prologue.**

**Title: Toy soldiers**

**Warnings: I have warnings in every chapter. In this chapter; a little bit violence  
****Rated: T**

Summer 1999

16 years old Sam looked up at his big brother. "I thought you said dad is coming?"

Dean sighed and nodded. "He will be here, he is just a little bit late. We are in no rush, Sam. Take it easy." He let his gaze wander around the creepy street they were standing in. It was about two meters wide and there were tall apartment buildings on the both sides of it. There were nothing except trashes on the alley.

Dark was beginning to fall over them. Sam was shivering because of the cold breeze. Dean crossed his arms like he always did when he began to feel cold.

"Are you sure he said he-"  
"Yes, I am sure", Dean said strictly and looked in Sam's eyes. "Quit asking. He'll come."

Sam shrugged. "Alright."

Five minutes went in silence. "Come on, Dean. Call him." "Sam, I won't-"

And at the exact moment Impala's headlights appeared in front of them and they heard the familiar rumble of its engine. Dean smiled a little bit as their father stepped out of the car. "See? I said he'd come."

"Sam, Dean, we have to go quick", John ordered and opened the trunk. "He is inside, but he won't be for long. So grab your guns and let's go."

"Relax, it's just a human. We're better than him, right?" Sam asked unsure. This wasn't his first time on a hunt but this was the first time he would have to attack a human.

"That attitude will get you killed", Dean replied. "Yeah, maybe we are better, but he is controlling few Daevas. Remember that, Sammy. They are nasty creatures."  
"Your brother is right", John said. "You can't see daevas. So be careful.. Both of you."

"Yes, sir", Sam and Dean said in unison.

"Good. Let's go."

They walked inside. Dean and John had their guns and Sam had a knife. John didn't let Sam use a gun, not yet. They weren't toys.

They climbed quietly to the third floor of the abandoned building. Sam's heart was beating fast. This man was evil, and evil people did evil things.

_Well, obviously, _Sam thought and grinned. Dean slapped his arm. "Hey. Concentrate", he whispered. Sam nodded. "Yeah. Sorry."

John quickly looked at his boys, and slowly opened the door leading to the apartment they thought the man was in. John was the first one to go in there. He saw the man standing next to the window. He seemed like he was lost in his thoughts, but you could never be sure.

So they kept quiet.

Sam went inside soon after his dad. He held his knife up and silently hid in the shadows. In seconds Dean was next to him.

"Should we... should we attack?" Sam whispered. Dean quickly glanced at their dad before shaking his head. "Not yet."

"You are not as silent as you think you are", rang out man's voice. Dean ducked his head for a moment. "Fuck..." he muttered.

John stepped out of the shadows, gun raised high. "Yeah?"

Man in front of the window turned around. He looked straight to John's eyes. Man's eyes were filled with hate and that inhuman coldness you can't really describe.

"You should put that down. It won't even work", the man said smiling coldly. "Come on out, boys. I know where you are hiding."

Dean stood up and grinned. "You saw us. Good for you." Sam appeared next to him, only inches shorter. He was clutching his knife like it was the last hope of life.

"Oh, it is good", the man said and swiped his arm. Sam and Dean couldn't even react before shadows came from the behind and attacked them. One of them made a huge wound to the back of Dean's shoulder as it threw him to the wall.

Another ran right at Sam, making him fall. Sam hit his head and cried out as the daeva cut three long wounds to his chest.

Dean hit the wall and fell down. Cursing he got up and looked quickly at Sam.

"How do you control them?" John almost shouted to the man and pushed him against the wall. "Tell me now, or I will shoot you!" The man laughed and glanced at the younger Winchesters.  
"Sorry, but no."

Sam spun around and away from the daeva, missing its claws just a few inches. Sam couldn't see the creature, but he could conclude its location by the shadow it made to the wall. He hit the knife to the place he thought daeva was, and for a moment Sam thought he had hit it. Because the thing shrieked and the knife stayed in place for a moment before falling to the ground.

Dean bit his lip not to yell when the daeva tore two long wounds to his face and cheek. He felt blood tripping from the open wounds. He heard John yelling and some fighting, and then a gun going off.

Dean looked up. Daevas disappeared as the man fell limp to the ground. There was a bullet hole in his chest.

Sam was standing there looking frightened. He had a gun in hands, shirt torn open and three long wounds in his chest. John was on the ground, keeping his hand on his stomach and a little bit blood coming between his fingers.

"What... what happened?" Dean asked silently. He eyed Sam, who now dropped the gun and sank on his knees. In seconds Dean was next to him, trying to comfort his little brother a little bit.

"Sam, it's okay. He deserved it. He killed all those people, he deserved to die", Dean whispered and helped him up. John was standing few meters from them, watching them carefully.

"It's okay, really, Sammy", Dean said and grinned. "He would've killed us. It was either us or he."

Sam nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess so. But still, he was a human.."

John shrugged. "This world is unfair, Sam. And he wasn't a human. He was a cold-blooded murderer who would have killed many people after us... if you hadn't stopped him like you did."

Together they limped out. Dean was holding his arm on Sam's shoulders like big brothers usually hold their little brothers. When they got to the Impala, Sam relaxed on the backseat and fell asleep almost immediately. Impala's familiar rumble was like a lullaby to him.

Dean sat on the front seat and sighed. "What happened?"

"He was going to kill you", John said quietly. "I said I'd kill him if he wouldn't stop it, but he put on a fight. He was stronger than I excepted, and well... Sam saved me. But he seems shocked."

"He is going to be okay", Dean muttered. "He always is. He is stronger than you'd believe."

John laughed a little bit. "I know he is, kiddo. He has to be if he wants to survive."

And with that silence fell on them. It lasted all the way back to the motel.

"Hey, I need to clean your wounds", Dean told Sam when they were inside. "I promise you can go to sleep right after it. But they'll get infected if we don't take care of them immediately."

Sam nodded. "Alright... but be quick. I wan'to sleep."

Grinning Dean pushed his brother on the bed and took out disinfectant.

* * *

"Hey, man, are you alright?"

Man opened his eyes slowly._ Gosh, too much light. Turn them off, please.. _

"Hey. What happened? You are bleeding."

There was a teen kneeling next to him. _What happened? _

"I should call 911."

_Ahh, those hunters.. As soon as I get up, I'm going to hunt those fuckers down and-_

He tried to move his legs, but he failed. He tried again, nothing. By the time he got his knee flinch, the paramedics were already there.

"Legs, I can't move my legs", the man said in panic. "Help me, I can't move my legs..!"  
"Male, about 25, shot. Legs most likely paralyzed", said the paramedic to his radio.

_Paralyzed. My legs are freaking __**paralyzed.**_

With that he swore he would get his revenge. It could take time, but he would get it. And it would be messy.

**TBC...**

**I hope you liked this! Again, reviews are love :***


	2. Chapter 1: Familiar stranger

**So, chapter one. I hope you liked the prologue ! No teenchesters anymore. :) Also, I will answer to every review, I give you my word of that.**

**Warnings: Season 7 spoilers  
Set: Season 7, few weeks after Bobby died  
Disclaimer: I don't own! :'( sad, isn't it ?**

* * *

_Holy or unholy, only have one homie,  
Only this gun, lonely cause don't anyone know me  
yet everybody feels like they can relate  
Eminem - Sing for the moment_

It had been almost two weeks since Bobby died. It had been almost two weeks since Dean really spoke. Almost two weeks without a _single_ word.

Dean had taken his death hard. Of course Sam was sad too, but Dean didn't eat, he didn't speak, he didn't sleep. Dean was taking is _way_ too hard.

And Sam was sick of it. He wanted Dean to share his burden a little bit, because even though he was the younger brother, it didn't mean Dean was the only one who could help. And Dean was killing himself with all that crap. He needed to stop before...

before something happened.

Tonight Sam would talk to him. He would make Dean talk, wanted Dean or not.

Sam was walking down the street with a pack of food in hand. He had taken a chicken salad for himself and a bacon-burger to Dean. It was Dean's favorite food, so maybe he'd agree to eat it. Sam hoped so.

Sam closed the motel room door behind him and threw the keys to the wooden table. He quickly checked the time from his phone, and it was only ten pm. He had been out for only half an hour.

He looked around him only to see Dean sitting on the couch, drinking beer and staring forward. There were two empty beers next to him.

Sam sighed. "Dean..." he started. "That won't help with anything."

Dean lifted his gaze up to Sam and nodded slightly. "I know. But why should I care?" He let his eyes wonder back down and closed them for a minute. "There is nothing to care about anymore, Sammy."

Sam slowly lowered foods to the table. There was nothing to care about? Of course there was something to care about, there always was. Sam was there. Wasn't he good enough to care about?

"You have to stop that, Dean", Sam said and turned around to face Dean. Dean opened his eyes and looked at Sam again. "I know Bobby died, and it hurts, believe me when I say that I know. But man, you are killing yourself."

Dean slowly stood up. "Don't you dare to say his name."

Sam nodded and crossed his arms. "I know what it feels like to lose someone you love", Sam continued. "I know it feels like you are dead yourself. I have lost almost everyone I have ever loved. So yeah, I know. Bobby was-"

Older Winchester took a step towards Sam and interrupted him. "Don't! Don't say his name. Don't."

Sam backed up a little. "He was like a father to you, to _us_, and I get it. But you are doing the exactly same thing I did when Jess died! I didn't care anymore. Remember what you said?"

There was a moment of silence. Finally Dean nodded. "I do. But it has nothing to do with this. Because he is frigging dead, and I can do nothing about it!"

Sam ducked his head for a moment before rising his gaze up. "Would Bobby want this?"

Dean walked forward. "Shut up, Sam. Don't say it."

Sam shook his head a little bit. He was going to make Dean talk about it. Maybe this wasn't the perfect moment, but maybe there would be no other moment.

"Say what? Dean, Bobby is dead, but-"  
"Don't!" Dean yelled and shoved Sam hard. Sam almost lost his balance as his body was showed backwards. His back hit the table behind him and his right arm knocked down the empty beer bottle, breaking it. Sam took support of the table not to fall, and accidentally slammed his hand on the piece of broken glass.

He hissed as pain shot through his arm, and he quickly pulled his hand away from the table. He looked shocked as he looked at Dean.

Dean saw Sam's hand bleeding, and for a moment he felt sorry. But then he remembered Bobby, and anger inside him rose again. "You deserved that", Dean said without thinking. "After all what you did."

"And what have I done this time?" Sam yelled at Dean, not even bothering to hide the anger in his voice. He had just wanted to help him!

"Everything, Sam! Everything. Ruby, for an example!"

Sam looked angry. "What does that have to do with anything ? You know I am sorry for all of it! And it all happened for almost three years ago! Could you just move on?"

Dean took a step closer to Sam, and looked in his eyes. "You have always chosen everybody else instead of me, that's the point! You went to Stanford and met Jess, and I was here alone. You died, I made the deal and went to hell _for you, _and what do you do when I'm dead? Play with your powers with _Ruby_!"

Silence fell on them for a moment, but Sam broke it with pushing Dean against the wall. "I did what I thought was right, Dean", he said quietly. "I couldn't have known. And I never, _once _chose anybody over you. Things just.. were crazy."

Dean struggled free and glared at Sam. "Yeah, sure."

The older Winchester didn't stop to take his jacket, just stormed out of the motel room after grabbing Impala's keys. Sam stood there for a moment and then looked at his hand. It was bleeding quite a lot. Sighing he walked to the bathroom to clean the wound.

* * *

Dean stepped inside the noisy bar. It was normal, crowded bar with hot waitresses and good beer. He found a empty seat and sat on it, asking for a beer.

In a minute the beautiful waitress brought his beer to the table. But like always, she didn't leave but stayed where she was an watched Dean as he took a sip from his beer.

"Can I help you with something?" Dean asked with a little glimmer in his eyes. Waitress smiled.  
"You look lost. Is everything alright?"  
"I just fought with my brother. It's nothing."

The beautiful woman sat next to Dean and looked in his eyes. "I'm free in fifteen minutes. I'm just curious, would you want to come to my place... You know, to talk? About the fight?"

Dean grinned. "I'd like to", he replied and took another sip. Sam would manage a night without him.

"Good", waitress said smiling. "I'm Hayley, if you want to know."  
"Dean", the older Winchester told her and leaned back a little bit. "I'll wait here."

If you asked Dean, the fifteen minutes Hayley was gone felt like five minutes. In another five minutes they were at her place.

"Nice home", Dean said with a smirk. "Gotta say, I love that sofa. I mean, I haven't seen a couch that new in a long time!"

Hayley laughed and slapped his arm. "Come on, I know it's old. But I love it, so shut up!"

Dean sat on the comfy, old sofa. "Hmm, I see why", he muttered. Hayley sat next to him and handed him a beer.  
"Thanks", Dean said and opened it like he always opened bottles.

"So. You better now?" Hayley asked. Dean glanced at her.  
"Yeah, I'm good."  
"What did you and your brother fight about?"

Dean sighed.  
"Just something stupid. It's not a big deal."

Hayley nodded, realizing this man in front of her didn't want to talk about it. So, plan number two.

"Well.. maybe it could be still better?" she said with a flirty tone. Dean grinned.  
"It could."

Hayley took Dean's hand inside of hers and got up. "Come on", she said and started to lead Dean through her apartment. They came to her bedroom with double bed, wardrobe and a nightstand in it.

She smiled as she pushed Dean on the bed. "Wait there. I will be back in a second", she said biting her lip and left the room. And Dean stayed where he was.

* * *

Sam was pissed.

His hand didn't bleed anymore, but it had bled long time. Because their first-aid kit had been inside the Impala, and Impala was... well, wherever Dean was.

And Dean had left his phone at the motel. So he was out of reach. Excellent.

Sam sighed and opened his food. He was starving, to be honest, but one look at the salad made his stomach turn upside down. So he just threw the food away and took a beer from the fridge.

He sat to the couch and turned on the TV. He had nothing to do, so TV sounded good.

In a fifteen minutes someone knocked the door. Sam jumped up and listened. It must had been only his imagination, because there was no chance it would be Dean. And who else would come visit them, now when Bobby was...

But that somebody knocked again. Slowly Sam lowered the beer to the living room table, and walked to the door. There was nothing to peek through, so Sam opened the door carefully.

Behind it stood a man with a hat on. Sam couldn't see his face well, he just saw that there was a long scar on his face.

"Hello. I assume you are Sam Winchester?" Man said. Sam knew that voice... He knew, but just couldn't place it.

"Who's asking?" Sam answered. The door was open just a little, so he could see out. Cold breeze was coming in from the crack.

"Don't you remember, Sammy?" the man said and looked up so Sam could see his face.  
"It's you", Sam said, sounding a little bit scared.

Evil smile rose up to the man's face.

Sam couldn't even shut the door when the man already thrust it open and slammed Sam to the nearest wall. He hold Sam tightly in place, not giving him the smallest chance to move.

"Hi, Sammy, did you miss me? 'Cause I sure missed you", the man hissed.

Sam struggled for air under his tight grip. "Let me go", he whispered and closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them.

"No way, Sammy", he said laughing and released Sam just a _little bit _to close the open door. But that little bit was enough to Sam.

He kicked the man to his knees and got free. Man fell to the ground but quickly rose. "You son of a bitch", he muttered as he began to approach Sam. Sam backed as the man came closer. He tried to think where his gun was, but came up with nothing.

"Come on, you don't have to be afraid of me!" Man said, glaring Sam with unnatural coldness in his tone.

Sam shook his head. "Not a chance."

Suddenly the man jumped forward, showing Sam and making him fall. Man was sitting on him before Sam couldn't even recover from the sudden hit.

"Don't-" Sam could say before the man grabbed Sam's shirt inside his big fists and lifted his upper body to the air.  
"Bye, Winchester", man answered and hit Sam's body to the ground.

Sam felt a sharp pain before the blackness took over him.

Man saw Sam staying on the ground, clearly unconscious. Smiling he got up and closed the door. Everything was going just like he had planned.

**TBC...**

**I hope you enjoyed :) I enjoy writing this story, so I hope you like it too. Again, reviews are love !3 **


	3. Chapter 2: That one person

**Thanks to everyone still hanging on there! This fic would be nothing without you. :)**

**Warnings: A little bit swearing  
Rated: T, like every chapter  
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own :c**

* * *

_I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure_  
_Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders_  
_Eminem - Like Toy Soldiers_

Hayley woke up before Dean. She got up without waking him up and looked out of the window. Last night had been something... special.

Sun was shining. Clock on the wall told her the time, half past ten.

She quickly looked at Dean before disappearing from the room. She went to the kitchen smiling a little and started to make pancakes.

In fifteen minutes Dean woke up and joined her.

"Hi", Dean said and sat down. He rubbed his eyes and smiled a little bit. "You doing breakfast?" Hayley nodded smiling shyly, but never turned around to see Dean.

"I am. I hope you like pancakes."

Dean grinned. "Like? I love them." He started to look for his phone, but couldn't find it from his pockets.  
"Have you seen my phone?"  
"I haven't. I don't even think you had it with you", Hayley answered without lifting her gaze from the pancakes.

"Huh. I guess I've left it to the motel, then", Dean muttered. "Crap. Sam."

Now Hayley turned around to look at Dean.  
"Sam, as your brother?"  
"Yeah. I don't have my phone, and usually when we fight he calls to check if I'm okay. It's good, 'cause then I know _he _is okay."

Hayley took the plate she had filled with pancakes and lowered it in front of Dean. Then she sat on the chair opposite of Dean.

"You want to call to him? I have my phone."  
"Nah, I'm good. I'm sure he is okay, it's just.. something doesn't feel right."

Hayley sighed. This unknown man in her kitchen seemed to have so big heart it made her sad. Because men like that didn't grow in every house. But she knew they could never be together.

"I don't know what you fought about, but one thing I know for sure", Hayley started. "You and your brother... You sound so close with him. I know you'll miss him if you'd separate. I know that because I have a sister. We were once best friends, but then life came and.. well, _we_ separated."

Dean looked at Hayley. Seemed like life had been rough to her.

"I miss her, but we can never be something we were years ago. You and your brother still have that something between you. Don't lose it. Because if you do, one day you'll wake up and see that he is gone."

Dean ducked his head. "Yeah... I think you're right."

Hayley smiled and handed Dean one of the pancakes. "Now you eat. After that you'll call your brother and tell him you're sorry. Alright?"

Dean lifted his gaze up and met Hayley's eyes.

"Sounds like a plan", Dean said with a smirk and took the pancake.

* * *

First thing Sam noticed was pain in his head. It was no surprise though. He had waken up many times with headache, but this time it felt different. Somehow... serious.

And the next thing he noticed was that he was tied.

Panic hit him as he suddenly remembered it all. The familiar man, fight, struggle for air, blackness coming over..

He opened his eyes only to see a familiar roof and lamp. He was still in their motel room.

Sam looked around him. His hands and legs were tied to the bed he was laying on. He had few inches space to move, but no more.

His wrists and ankles hurt because of the tight ropes around them.

"You're awake."

Familiar voice from the other side of the room echoed into Sam's ears. He lifted his head up a little bit to see him.

"I am."  
"Good. I'm bored."

Sam looked at the man. He had an ugly, long scar from his forehead to his chin. He remembered it. John had done it while their fight.

"You know my name, but I never really heard yours", Sam said. He wanted to know everything about this man, because knowing your enemy was their rule number one.

Man nodded.  
"You just came to kill me, that's all. You never bothered to find out who I really was."

Sam grinned. "We know who you were -are. You are a evil murderer who killed plenty of young adults using Daevas. The only thing I'm wondering is-"  
"How am I still alive?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, after you shot me", the man started and sat next to Sam. "I was almost dead. But somebody found me in time. He called an ambulance and I was brought to a hospital."

Sam let his head fall back down. "Right. I shot you right to the heart."

"Yeah, you did. But I am stronger than you'd believe. Anyways, I was hospitalized for a few weeks. My legs paralyzed as you shot me, so I went through few years of therapy. But soon I was up and going again."

"You're here to get your revenge? Nice. Why didn't you just kill me already? You like to play with your food?" Sam asked. He was scared, but like hell he was going to show it. This man had scarred him for life, and both of them knew it. But Sam wouldn't give him the satisfaction of showing his fear.

"That's about right", the man said. "But I'm not done yet. Shut up and listen to me, or I will shut your mouth. And believe me, that won't be fun."

Sam closed his mouth and just listened.

"Back at the abandoned building I had sworn to get my revenge. Because no-one fucks with me and gets away with it. I didn't know your names, I knew nothing about you, but I was going to find everything out."

Man stood up and lifted up a big duffel. He placed it on the nightstand and opened it.

"Few years ago I found this one guy. His name was Walker. Gordon Walker, if I remember correctly. He knew you. So I asked him a few questions. And believe me when I say he told me everything he knew with a pleasure. He really hates you, Sam."

Sam shrugged and rolled his eyes. "Well, yeah. But I killed him."

"Really?" Man asked with a laugh. "That's interesting. Seems like you kill everyone you see."

Sam looked pissed as he answered. "He was a vampire. I couldn't let him walk away, and if_ I remember correctly_, he tried to kill both of us. Me and Dean."

"Oh, Dean. I totally forgot him. Did he leave you, or did you kill him too?" the man asked laughing. "Anyways. I followed you for a long time, but always when I got a new clue of you, you weren't there anymore. Till yesterday."

Sam lifted his hurting head up again to see better. Seemed like the pain worsened every minute. The pain had been in the back of his head, but now it was all over his head. The pain pounded in his head with the rhythm of his heartbeats.

The man took a knife from the bag and eyed it carefully. "You see this knife? It's sharp. I won't hesitate to use it."

Sam nodded. "Right. But I still have no clue of who you are."

Man smiled evilly. That smile was familiar, and a cold chill rocked Sam's body. "Michael. It's all you have to know." Michael hit the knife to the wooden wall and nodded.

"That's enough of me. Let's talk about you. I know everything about you and your brother, Sam."

Sam shrugged. "No, you don't."  
"Yeah, I do. Let's start from the beginning. Lawrence, nursery, your mum. You know it was your fault she died, right?"

Sam swallowed. "It's not. I was just a baby."

Michael snorted. His eyes were filled with pure hate and anger. But there was a little bit sadistic pleasure in his eyes, too. "Yeah, right. You can tell that to yourself, but we both know the truth. What about Jessica, then? I know you saw her death before it happened, but you couldn't warn her? Were you _really _that selfish?"

"You have no clue what you're talking about" Sam hissed. And all of sudden a memory he had tried to forget came into his mind. He tried to block it away, but failed. He didn't want to remember. Because remembering hurt.

_Jessica smiled as she handed Sam his ticket. "Come on, Sam, cheer up a little bit!" Jess laughed as Sam took the ticket. Sam sighed and smiled. "I'll try." "I know you don't like this movie, but do it for me", Jessica pleaded and looked in Sam's eyes. _

_Sam nodded. "Of course. I'd do anything for you, Jess."_

_He pulled Jess close and kissed her gently. Jess giggled and slapped Sam. "Quit it, Romeo, we'll be late."_

Sam fought to keep his feelings under control, but Michael didn't help him.  
"You remember that night, don't you? As clearly as you see me right now. Your little Jess, burning in the ceiling.."  
"Shut up! You don't have to tell me all that, I've lived it!"

Michael laughed. "Oh, little Sammy doesn't get it. I want to see you suffer."

Sam closed his eyes as he felt anger rising inside him.

"And then. This demon chick, Ruby. She is -was- a monster, you know that? And do you know who hangs out with monsters? Other monsters, Sam. You're a monster. You have demon blood inside you! You're not a human."

Younger Winchester opened his eyes again and looked at Michael. "Watch your words", he hissed. "Because when Dean gets here..."

Michael started to laugh. "Dean! You really think he'll come?"

Sam froze. Did Michael do something to him?

Every possible horror picture ran through Sam's mind. Dean laying dead somewhere. Dean beat to death. Dean somewhere as a hostage. Dean dying.

"I swear, if you touch my brother-"  
"I haven't touched him. Not yet, anyways."

Sam relaxed a little bit. That meant Dean was safe... or alive, at least.

_If _Michael was telling him the truth.

"What I meant, was do you think he'll come because of _you_? Do you really think he'll come and save you after all you have done to him? Everybody knows you are a monster. A freak. And Dean knows it too. Maybe he is wise and left."

Sam shook his head. "No. Dean wouldn't."

"Yes, he would. And he did. I saw him. He was driving that lovely car of yours, -67 Impala. He was heading outside the town."

It was a lie, of course. But Michael wanted to have Sam really broken inside. Because this Gordon had told him they didn't fear pain. Only thing that worked to those two was each other and their choices. And Michael wanted to hurt them. He would hurt Sam first mentally, then psychically. And when Dean would arrive, Sam would be so beaten up and torn inside that only _seeing _Sam would make Dean suffer.

Michael liked the idea.

At first Sam didn't believe it. Dean wouldn't leave him alone like that.

But what if he would? What if he just _had_? He had been angry, he had pushed Sam and never even looked sorry for the cut he had caused.

So after a minute thinking Sam felt more and more like Michael had actually told the truth.

Sam felt like he was being stabbed right to his heart. He had just tried to be a good little brother and help him. But he had failed again. He failed at everything he ever did, he let everyone down. Maybe Michael was right.

Maybe he was a monster.

"And I didn't even mention the time you were soulless... whew. If you'd know what all kinds of crazy shit you did. Mrs. Smith, for an example. You remember her?"

Sam nodded, but he felt numb. He had no-one without Dean.

"Yeah. She was your first grade teacher. Well, she was possessed by a demon, and instead of exorcism, you... you stabbed her. With that knife of yours. Who does that? I don't know, but not humans."

Sam closed his eyes. He was pathetic. A monster. "Just do what you want. I don't care", Sam mumbled and tried to think something else but Dean.

That one person he had loved. That one person he had let down so many times. That one person he had trusted, that one person who had said would never leave Sam.

"I will kill you, Sammy", Michael said with an evil grin. "But first we'll have some _fun_."

**TBC...**

**I hope you liked chapter two :) Reviews are love! I'll continue as soon as I just can.**


	4. Chapter 3: Monster called me

**So, chapter three ! I hope you like it :) Aand I think I have the most awesome readers of all readers! Because you guys just don't get tired of reviewing or reading or something. So thanks :D **

**And as always, thanks to SamWin98 ! :D mesopeikko et olis ikinä arvannu et laitan tän tähän.**

**And this One guest Sarah, thank you so much :) I really Appreciate your reviews ! :D**

**Warnings: F-word ! :O  
Disclaimer: I don't own ! It's ****_so _****sad, but I think Sam is grateful. *grin***

* * *

_Please don't blame me_  
_I only did, what I thought was truly right_  
_It's a long and lonely road, when you know you walk alone_  
_Five finger death punch - Remember everything_

"Thank you again", Hayley said with a smile as she stood in the hallway and watched Dean as he searched for Impala's keys. He had tried to call to Sam, but he hadn't picked up. He was either pissed or in trouble.

Dean stopped to nod and reply. "Yeah. No problem. Are you sure you haven't seen them?"

Hayley nodded and crossed her arms, leaning to the wall. "I am sure. But not many men help with the dishes. You are... unusual."

Dean snorted. "I've heard that a lot." "So you help everyone with dishes?"

Older hunter couldn't help a little laugh. He patted his pockets again to check them. "No, no.. uh, different kind of reasons." He felt something hard under his fingers as he searched through his jacket's pockets, and sighed in relief as he pulled out his baby's keys.

"Thank god. Hayley, it was nice meeting you, but I think I have to go now", Dean told her. Hayley sighed and uncrossed her arms, taking a step towards Dean.

"Sure. It was nice meeting you, too. Here, take this", she said and handed Dean a little piece of paper. "You'll know what to do with it."

Dean nodded and thrust the piece of paper into his pocket and grinned. "Thanks."

He walked past Hayley and opened Impala's door. He saw Hayley shutting the door and for a moment he just sat there. This uncomfortable feeling of everything not being okay was still inside him, but no way there could be something wrong.

Even Sam couldn't get into trouble in one night, right?

With that thought Dean started the engine and drove off. He was lost in his thoughts. What if something was wrong, after all? What if Sam hadn't answered because he was in trouble?

What if Sam thought Dean had left him?

That thought got Dean's blood run cold. Sam wouldn't think like that. Sam had to know that Dean would always be there for him.

"Come on, Dean", he whispered and mentally hit himself. He had been so bad brother last few weeks, and Sam had only tried to help...

Dean hit the steering wheel and tried to keep the coming guilty gone.

* * *

Sam bit his lip not to cry out. The long, deep wound on his chest was bleeding a lot and it felt like his whole chest was on fire.

Because after Michael had cut it, he had poured some salt in it.

And it hurt like hell.

He shut his eyes as Michael began to talk again. "Come on, Sam. You know you deserve this. You're a monster, a freak. Suck it up, loser."

Sam felt Michael place the blade of the knife on his arm again. Slowly Michael put pressure on it and with one, quick move with his arm there was a long, bloody wound on Sam's arm.

Sam gasped and opened his eyes as sharp, burning pain shot from his arm.

"Shut up", Michael hissed and his eyes met Sam's. There was no emotions except anger and satisfaction in Michael's. Sam's eyes were filled with pain.

Sam closed his eyes again. He didn't want to see Michael. And once again Sam was lost in memories.

_Eighteen years old Sam cried out in pain. His other leg was one bloody mess. Dean knew it wasn't as bad as it looked like, but he hated to see Sam in situations like this. He hated to see his little brother in pain._

_"Come on, Sam. I have to do this, or you'll bleed out in no time", Dean said and looked in Sam's eyes. Sam nodded._

_"Yeah", he gasped. "Just do it quick."_

_They were in the middle of nowhere. There were only trees and bushes around them, no life in miles. And there was a good two miles to the Impala, too._

_There had been a stupid witch controlling few invisible dogs. One of them got Sam off guard and he got hurt. That dog had tore Sam's leg almost open and cut some big vein, but luckily it didn't break any bones or damage muscles._

_Dean tightened the piece of cloth he had wrapped around Sam's bleeding leg. He saw the younger hunter was beginning to fall into shock. _

_"Sam, breathe", Dean ordered and grabbed Sam's shoulders. "It's okay, I'm going to make it okay, alright?"  
"No, Dean, I'm going to die, there's too much blood-" "Sam!" Dean yelled, interrupting Sam. _

_"You're not going to die, because as long as I am around, nothing bad is going to happen to you. You get it? And I'm never going to leave you, Sammy. Never."_

Sam felt a single tear fall from the corner of his eye. Dean had promised not to leave him so many times.

"Aww, is Sammy-freak going to cry?"

Younger hunter opened his eyes and bit his lip as he saw his another arm. It was bloody mess like back then. Only this time it was his arm, not leg, and this time the thing who had caused it had been human, not evil creature.

Sam opened his mouth to say something, but Michael was faster than him. Michael hit his fist to Sam's stomach, making Sam cry out and gasp for air. Bloodloss he already had didn't make things easier.

"You son of a-" Sam panted and turned his head away from Michael. He tried to breathe, it was hard but he could.

"What?" Michael replied and tightened his grip around the knife. "What was that?"

Sam turned to see Michael again. There was nothing to live for anymore, so why would he keep his thoughts inside?

"I said, you son of-"

Knock knock.

Sam's head shot up. "Dean?" He whispered.

Michael quickly took a sock from his duffel. "Yeah, it's your brother", he said as he thrust the sock to Sam's mouth. Sam looked shocked.

"I know, I lied", Michael hissed. "I warn you now. You make a sound, and I will slice your brother's throat. And then yours. And I'm not lying."

Sam looked worried, scared and furious at the same time, but nodded. "Good", Michael hissed and grinned evilly. He got up and went to open the door.

* * *

Dean saw the door opening slowly, but the man standing behind it wasn't Sam. But somehow he was familiar.

First thought that came into Dean's mind was that he had knocked the wrong door, but when he found himself from the ground, he knew he was in the exactly right place.

"Let go of me!" Dean yelled as the familiar man tried to grab his feet. Dean kicked the man and quickly stood up, hitting the man and making him fall.

When he heard a familiar yell, he knew who the man was. Daevas, summer 1999...

Dean kicked the man to his side, and the man turned around only to grab Dean's feet and make him fall. As Dean hit the ground, he saw a glimpse of too familiar person, tied to a bed, arm badly bleeding and another eye swelling.

"Nice to meet you again, Dean", Michael hissed and hit Dean. They were both on the ground, fighting on top of each other for a while. Fists flew and Dean started to taste blood in his mouth.

"Well, you too", Dean replied and hit the man to his face for the last time, now using more strength.

Michael fell to the ground next to Dean and stayed where he was. He breathed heavily and tried to gather his strength.

"You are better fighter than you look like", Michael whispered and tried to get up, but Dean quickly hit him again.  
"Don't", Dean said and wiped some blood from his open lip.

Older Winchester stumbled up. After a few hard kicks to his side Michael stayed limp on the ground.

"Sam", Dean breathed and looked up. Sam looked scared and worried as he eyed Dean. There was a sock in his mouth, and his eyes were a little bit glassy.

In seconds Dean was next to him.

"Hey, hey, Sammy, look at me", Dean said and quickly pulled the sock out. Seemed like Sam was struggling to get his eyes focus on his brother. There was blood dripping from the open wounds.

"I have to tie these, you know that", Dean said and ripped a sleeve from his shirt. Their first-aid kit was in the Impala, and they didn't have time to get it. Sam was already pale from the bloodloss and clearly using all of his power to stay awake.

"Alright, this is going to hurt a little bit", Dean warned and tightened the piece of cloth around his arm. Sam cried out, and lazily looked into Dean's eyes.

"He said.. he said you wouldn't come. That you left."

Dean shrugged and cut the ropes holding Sam's arms and legs in place. "I will _always _come, Sammy. When will you believe it? Alright, let's go. He won't stay unconscious for long."

Sam nodded and shut his eyes. He wasn't completely convinced, but Dean was right. He _always_ came.

Dean helped Sam sit up and carefully pulled him standing. "Easy, let's do this slowly. You gonna pass out?" Sam shook his head slightly and bit his lip as the room started to spin around him. But Dean was there, holding him tight and helping. And slowly they moved forward.

"Thanks", Sam said with a shaky voice when they finally made it to the car. Dean nodded and helped Sam sit on the front seat.

Dean sat next to him and started the engine. It was good they had all their stuff in the Impala, since they never unpacked.

_We're going to Bobby's, _Dean thought but quickly realized there was no Bobby. No place to go.

"Damnit", he muttered and started the engine. "I guess we just have to drive and find a motel..."

He turned his head towards Sam and saw him unconscious or sleeping next to him. Dean quickly checked his pulse, just to be sure. His heartbeat was steady and strong, and Dean couldn't help a grin. Only Sam and that familiar man knew what Sam had gone through, but still he was breathing and his heart was still beating.

Sam was a strong kiddo.

And Dean couldn't stop himself from being proud.

**TBC...**

**Thanks for reading ! I hope you liked it :)**

**I know it's a bit cheesy ending, but I hope you are satisfied with it. One more chapter coming ! **

**There is a sentence going like this :"_Dean knew it wasn't as bad as it looked like, but he hated to see Sam in situations like this._" All copyrights to it belongs to SamWin98 ! :D**

**Reviews are love!:)**


	5. Chapter 4: This still remains

**So, here we are. The last chapter. **

**Warnings: A few bad words.  
Disclaimer: Nope... *shakes head sadly***

* * *

_I tried to pretend it didn't matter_  
_If I was alone_  
_But deep down I know_  
_If you were gone_  
_For even a day I wouldn't know which way to turn_  
_Cause I'm lost without you.  
Adam Lambert - Better than I know myself_

Sam woke up to the smell of fresh coffee. He didn't know what had woken him up, but he knew he was safe. Fresh coffee told him Dean was there. And Dean meant safety.

He opened his eyes slowly and saw a familiar room.

Well, not that familiar. He didn't know in which town or even state he was, but he knew he was in motel room. They all looked the same.

He stretched carefully his sore limbs and tried to remember what had happened but came up with nothing. The last thing he remembered was Michael thrusting a sweaty sock in his mouth, but everything after it was one blurry mess.

Slowly Sam sat up and got up on to his feet. He swayed a little, and quickly took support from the wall. He stood there for a moment, trying to gather his balance. After a while he nodded.

"I can do this", he whispered and swallowed. "I can do this."

He took a step forward, but immediately regretted it. A wave of nausea hit him and he fell to his knees. He hit his arm to the side of the bed and cried out as a sharp pain shot trough his arm and upper body.

With one quick movement he was holding his hurt arm close his body, eyes teary and room spinning around him.

He saw the door opening and panicked Dean stepped in. "Sam?" He asked and in seconds he was next to the younger Winchester. Worry shined trough his green eyes.

"Sammy, hey, talk to me", he said and placed his hands on Sam's shoulders. "You're safe, Sam, just take it easy."

Sam nodded and closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. He still saw Dean's worried but happy face in front of him. Sam couldn't help a little grin, but quickly remembered their situation. Dean hated him.

Dean saw something change in Sam's eyes, and was immediately worried. He knew everything wasn't alright, but he had thought Sam'd be happy to see him again.

"Sam, what's wrong?"  
"You don't have to do this", Sam said and surprised how easy talking was. He had excepted a struggle to talk.

"Do what? Sam-"  
"Be here."

Dean groaned. Of course this had to happen. He had been a fool when he had thought Sam would be mentally unharmed. But that guy must have known that the only thing that really broke Sam was his older brother.

"I don't know what kind of bullshit that dude told you, but none of it was true", Dean told strictly and looked in Sam's hazel eyes.

"I know what I am, Dean. You don't have to do this to yourself and pretend like you care", Sam said. His eyes were full of hurt and emotional pain. And Dean felt like he had been stabbed.

"Sam, I-"

Dean was left speechless. He knew he had to say something to make it all alright. Somehow that man had managed to make Sam believe he was worthless and that Dean didn't care about him.

There couldn't be a bigger lie.

Dean sighed.  
"Quit it. I would never, _ever _stop caring about you. You have to know that, Sam. Please believe me when I tell you that I _couldn't _stop caring. Because you are my brother, and I'd rather die than leave you alone."

"Dean, come on. I'm a monster, a freak. All those things I have done... How can you even look at me?"

Dean's heart shattered. Lucifer was having a party in Sam's mind -even though Sam didn't admit it- and God knows what it was telling to Sam. That great, but unstable hunter didn't need any more problems than he already had.

"You're not a freak! You are a lot of things, but not a freak. Stop talking like that, dude, because I know better than you! Yeah, maybe you have done mistakes. But it's life. And I'm not a poster boy of innocence myself! I've done some crappy things, too."  
"I broke the final seal."  
"Hell, I broke the first one. And plus that, you took care of it by jumping to the cage."

Sam looked somehow hopeful.  
"Listen to me, Sam. You are the best hunter I've seen. Honestly. And you are my brother, I would never stop caring about you. And that's not because we're family, it's a choice, Sam. I could leave if I'd want to, but I don't. So stop bitching about it and believe me when I say you are worth everything I have ever done to you."

Sam grinned, finally getting the point.  
"Yeah? I'm worth the cut you caused?"

Dean slapped Sam's arm smiling.  
"Shut up. You know what I mean."

Sam sighed. "Yeah, I do. Thanks."

Dean got up and helped his brother stand. Together they walked to the kitchen where Sam sat down and watched Dean as he poured him some coffee.

"You okay?" Dean asked as he placed the cup in front of Sam.

The younger hunter nodded.  
"I am. What happened?"

Dean sat to the chair opposite of Sam and saw Sam take a sip from his coffee. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you", Dean said quietly. Now it was his turn to ask for forgiveness.

Sam shook his head a little. "Don't apologize. I understand, you don't want to talk about..."

Sam shut his mouth. He wasn't sure if he wanted to continue. What if Dean was still pissed? But Dean nodded and smiled a bit.

"I know, I know. I don't want to talk about Bobby because it hurts. He was like a father to me, and you know it. But I shouldn't... the way I acted. You only tried to help."

Sam felt a warm feeling in his stomach. Dean wasn't angry.

"It's nothing, really. But I just want you to know that I am here to help, Dean."

Dean whistled. "Yeah, thanks, but no. I'll manage just fine. And I had someone to talk with, actually. So I'm good."

Sam laughed. "Yeah? Hooker or waitress?"  
"Shut up", Dean replied grinning and got up to get himself some coffee.

"Does your wounds still hurt? I cleaned them and stitched the biggest ones up, but you were out so I gave you no pain medication", Dean said without looking at Sam.

Sam looked down at his arm. It was covered with bandages.

"Nah, I'm alright. Nothing hurts anymore. How long was I out?"

Dean turned around and leaned to the table. "Three days, but you weren't completely out. You were awake now and then. You had a high fever, so you weren't _awake, _but you were talking."

Sam looked at Dean confused. "Yeah? Uh.. I hope I didn't say anything stupid."

Dean laughed a bit. "Stupid? Hell, everything you said was stupid. You made no sense at all. Wait, how did it go... I like peanuts? Really, Sam?"

Sam started to laugh. "What ..? Peanuts, aalright..."

Dean smiled too. "Yeah.. I'm glad you're okay."

Younger Winchester looked at his big brother with a little, happy glimmer in his eyes. That was something Dean hadn't seen in a long time. It told Dean everything was finally alright.

"I'm glad you're here, Dean."

* * *

Michael sat on a bed in familiar prison cell. He had been there for the last five days now.

Policemen had discovered some blood from his clothes. Blood of Sam and Dean Winchester, two dead brothers. _It is a strange thing_, all the policemen said, _'cause they are dead_.

Michael knew better, but he kept his mouth shut and let them believe he had somehow stolen his clothes from Sam and Dean. It was a better option than truth.

Because he didn't want the police to catch those hunters. He had some unfinished business with them.

He just sat there and drew. He mumbled words that meant nothing.

Everybody thought he was out of his mind. But Michael didn't care. And when the lights were turned off and the darkness fell on him, and the other prisoners started their every night shouting, Michael let the piece of paper fall from his lap.

"I will get you", Michael whispered and lied down. "I will get both of you."

He shut his eyes.

Nobody ever saw a drawing of Sam and Dean Winchester laying dead on the ground soaked with their own blood. Because Michael had decided so. And what Michael ever decided-

happened.

He would get his revenge.

**End. **

**I hope the ending wasn't too dark. **

**Thank you soo much SamWin98 for the lyrics! :)**

**Reviews are always love. Personally I've enjoyed writing this fic. I hope you enjoyed reading it! Reviews are love! I love you all, and I hope you'll read my other fics too :D**


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